Looking back I see some important themes in my life, disconnection, compensation, reconnection, transformation and healing.

​

My parents had dramatically to leave Estonia for Finland in 1943. Later we moved to Sweden. 

​

I was borne in Helsinki Finland in April 1944 while the Soviets bombed the city.  My mothers' difficulty to attach to me when I was new borne and my experience of being emotionally abandoned by her, has profoundly influenced me and my life.  

 

I became disconnected from myself, my heart and my deepest feelings. I was not grounded in myself.  It has taken me many years to understand that.

​

So I tried to adjust myself to others (primarily my parents), what I thought they expected from me.  I was a good boy, performed well in school, became a doctor, dreamed of being a famous scientist, started to write a doctoral thesis about medical needs.

​

I was engaged in the Anti-Vietnam war movement, anti-apartheid, solidary work for Chile and Palestine, Physicians against nuclear war etc.  I felt I had to take the responsibility for the injustice and the suffering in the world. 

​

I became very tired, the life was heavy, full of work and duties, I did not finished my thesis, I was not happy being a doctor, my marriage was not good.  "Was this all?" I often thought.

​

In my forties, I finally realized that I had to do something.  I really had to change my way of being.  Since then it's been an on-going process of reconnection and transformation for me.

 

By transforming my perception of a hostile world to something I could handle I got a higher degree of awareness and how I could change my life to the better.

​

I started to feel more alive, changed relationships to the better – my life became perhaps not more happy but definitely more rich.

 

I have always danced - foxtrot, jazz, bug, folk dance, salsa and tango. The last 20 years free dance as an important element in various workshops and courses.  Since 2009 engaged in Movement Medicine in UK.  This programme has been a powerful tool for my personal and spiritual growth.  Grounded in the elements, I have explored in movement my ancestors, my present life and what will unfold.

​

When I met Spiderflower in March 2016 I felt “at home”.